So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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