Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
