It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
