Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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