Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Girls should come with a carfax report
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
