Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think my moral compass just broke
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
