He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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