one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
