Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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