i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
