I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
