You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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