found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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