My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
