fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
