He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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