I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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