i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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