its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
