I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
