its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
