i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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