Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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