Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
