Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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