its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dick very happy bro
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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