I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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