After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
