I just cut my nipple shaving
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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