I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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