My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
whose ass print is on the piano?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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