Dude my mom stole all your condoms
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
