You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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