So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize