That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
