Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
