That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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