I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
