Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
