I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize