remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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