She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
