Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
