Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
