Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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