didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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