So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
