I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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