are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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