he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I enjoy the company of your penis
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
