I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
