so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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