Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
