what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
