So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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