I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
