For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
