Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize