why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
