I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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