Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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