If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
