So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
