why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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