Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
