I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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