So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My balls are so social today.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
