i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize