thus making me awesome and them whores
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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