Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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