she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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