mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
