She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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