so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
