So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dicks are not precious.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
